Secret Confessions

[Doomy]

[Edited Because I Fracking Can]

Welcome to the Secret Confessions thread. Beyond the pure anonymity of the internet, there lies a certain level of understanding behind all the accounts here on FF. The SC account carries burden of allowing the user to give a candid, private confession with (hopefully) understanding feedback. The SC thread is for other posters to give kind and/or helpful advice, words of empathy, or a secret of their own (under the SC name or not).

This account is a group account, and EVERYONE needs to treat it respectfully. By posting under the Secret Confessor, you are pledging to refrain from hate mail, "finger-pointing", insulting and being a jerkface. By posting in the SC thread, you are pledging to keep the comments respectful. This has not yet been a problem, but it's nice to have written down "just in case".

If you would like to use the SC account for ANY reason beside posting in this thread, please PM me- even if it's under the SC name (this is not to exert authority, but to maintain order over a very accessible account).

Thank you!


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[o0_flying high_0o]

*late* *hugs*

I'm sorry love, you know we care for you, and again, you can PM me if you want to talk about any of this. I hope so much that everything improves for you, and in the mean time, just remember we love you, and are always here for you. And that you are beyond beautiful and wonderful, regardless of what your father might say.

[Secret Confessor]

I'm only posting this under SC just in case the person who this concerns could one day see this. I realize it's totally obvious who I am, and that's okay.

I just need to bitch about this.

You and your girlfriend don't live close at all. You talk about the distance, she mentions how some of her friends make nasty comments about how it'll never work because of the distance. First off, "well, if we ever broke up, that would be why" isn't the best thing to say. But points for honesty.

But when you ask if she'd ever break up with you because of the distance, and she says "of course not," and then asks you if you'd break up with her because of that, " Well I can't predict the future" is the WRONG thing to say. No points for honesty because saying that was a dumbass move.

*finished being hormonal and bitchy at all of you now*

[Lamp Post]

Eh, feel no guilt in bitching.

That, just. . . sucks. Don't kill the guy, alright? *offers tea*

[Secret Confessor]

He just fails at words. You know he always has, just, it used to always work out in my favor, this is only one of two times it's really hurt me at all.

And now he feels terrible because he realizes the impact he can have when he says stupid things like that, and he reassured me and everything, so... *is fine*

[Lamp Post]

*nods* *understands*

[Secret Confessor]

I hate myself.

I look in the mirror in the mornings and wonder why anyone would want me. I'm at least 3 stone (42 pounds) overweight and carry most of that extra weight around my stomach, making me a size sixteen. My doctor classes me as obese and my dad wont shut up about me loosing weight, to the point where I either want to whack him into next week or just burst into tears.

Nothing I do seems to be good enough for most of my family. Sure, my mum is pretty supportive, as well as her parents, but my dad's side always seem to be belittling me or playing down my strengths. I came out of school with three As, mostly Bs and one C, one of the highest scores throughout my whole year. My Dad's reaction: Well, you could have gotten more A's, but I suppose it's good.

Apparently his parents were telling him to expect me to fail, too.

It's not like I pulled those grade off on a one off. I know I'm a smart girl, and I was getting grades like that for most of my school life, yet they seem to have no faith in me. On top of that I got the same reception when I came out of college. I got the highest grade you could doing a two year course in one year whilst also completing a psychology A level, one of the hardest on the curriculum, but of course that 'was lucky, wasn't it?'

I hate the fact I am very emotionally dependant on other people. If the people around me are unhappy I find it very hard to keep a positive mood and, although I dislike social interactions I depend upon people to give me some meaning. I get very lonely very easily, and seem incapable of fending for myself.

My emotions are often on a knife's edge. I can be exceptionally happy one moment and, just like that, I feel really crappy again. The simplist things can switch me from a big smile to crumbling in tears, and I hate that crying is my mind's reflex to confrontation. It makes me look childish, no wonder people are always underestimating me.

I'm very timid and hate talking to new people. When I went to college I tried to consciously correct this and be open and talkative, but within a week I was back to being myself with everyone around me until I made some more secure friends. Once I know them I'm perfectly fine, but beforehand I just clam up and hide in a corner. Again, no wonder people think I'm a idiot.

[Devil's Sunrise]

I'm so sorry. My only advice can be a bit that's impossible to follow, to not let other people's opinions get to you as much. Having mood swings is not a problem, but if it's an issue for you, talk to your doctor about it. Tell your dad he can either let you focus on losing weight or doing well in school, because it won't help to endlessly bug you about both. As for the weight, it doesn't matter how you are on the outside. Yes, that's a cliched statement, but only because it's true. The right people in life won't care about the things you don't like about yourself. The only people that think you're an idiot or obese or any other negative qualities aren't worth thinking about. And it's not important to make friends with everyone, only to find friends to support you. To some, that's everyone they can, to others, a few secure friends is perfect. As for your grades, don't let them bother you. Three A's and a few B's is way better than I and a lot of other people get. Just try your best, and don't focus on the end result of the first semester or so when you've got the second to worry about. (Also, that "it's luck" is a stupid cover-up made by people who can't accept you did better than them). Just keep going. And with your dad's parents, I don't think you should honestly care about them or what they say if they're telling your father things about you.

Sorry for rambling. And sorry for everything, and that my advice probably sucks. But it'll be alright.

[Hannah]

*offers tea*

I'm not great at advice... Most likely everything I say will screw things up for you because if I knew what to do, I would have fixed my own remarkably similar problems.

Just... *offers ice cream* I hope things get better. :/

[Doomy]

With your dad: Parents can be like that sometimes. Or, in your case, often. I'm really sorry about that :( . I think that the best you can do is not let him or your grandparents get the better of you. If you're still dependent on what your parents think as you grow into adulthood (like it looks like he's been) then you're not going to have the opportunity to grow as your own person. I say stick with your mom and do your best to ignore your dad.

As for the friends thing; I think that the fact that you WANT to move out of your comfort zone is a good start. And, besides, you seem to be at a point where life isn't all about making new friends. I think that so long as you're happy with your group of peers now, and you feel comfortable around them, it shouldn't really matter what other people think. As the saying goes, "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind".

[Megan (Fishy)]

I'm gonna ramble with unhelpful information like usual now.

The weight thing: Don't listen to what anyone else says. The people who matter won't even notice your weight. It's not really something that matters. That said, if you -- not your parents or friends or significant other or anyone else -- are unhappy with your weight, by all means, work to change it. Now, if you're happy with your weight? Don't listen to the people who aren't, they're not worth it. I'm sure you're beautiful.

The family/school thing: Everyone else said everything I need to say here, I don't want to repeat them. Listen to your mom. I'm sure your dad cares for you and just wants the best for you, but, sometimes parents are overly critical. Don't listen to him when he's like that, it'll only hurt you. You're doing fine and it wasn't "luck," you worked for that and you deserve any good mark you get.

Emotions/social thing: Mood swings are normal. If you think your mood swings are more than normal, talk to your doctor, and otherwise, don't worry about it. You're allowed to be moody, nobody will hold it against you.
As for crying, that is a perfectly normal reaction. You know how some people cry when they're happy, and some don't? Same goes for every other emotion. Don't worry about what people say.
And as long as you have a few good, supportive friends, there is nothing wrong with being timid around new people. It would be a problem if it made you incapable of creating friendships, but it doesn't, so that's okay. And the fact that you've tried to be more outgoing is already a good start.

Anyways, good luck, and we love you. You'll be fine. *hugs*

[Secret Confessor]

I always feel like a bitch because I'm disappointed if I get a B, and my face falls a bit at even an A-. I know that there are plenty of people who do far worse than me, and I should be happy with the grades I get, but...

[Devil's Sunrise]

Yes, you should be happy with those grades, but it's still good that you want to do better. Just make sure to keep your ambition but don't let disappointment get to you.