Super Squee Me.

[Dual]

Hello, everybody. My name is Dual, AKA Fake Fang, AKA Crowley, AKA Mr. Kay, AKA Dr. And such.

 

Literature: A beautiful art form, unlike any other. Usually, it expresses an authors brilliant, geeky nature.

 

But sometimes...it goes bad.

 

In the past few years, crappy literature has been on a rise. The classics are dead, instead replaced with things like Twilight, Maximum Ride, Harry Potter. While these books may be fun to read to some, to others they're insults to literature, insults to an art form. It's like a five year old getting payed millions for his fingerpaint art. It's like a child playing, "Mary Had a Little Lamb," on his/her piano getting sent to Carnegie Hall. It's what happens when crappy authors, through the use of Mary Sue's, purple prose, and appeal to idiot teenagers, outsell literary masters who manage to write brilliant, witty, genius books (Yes, I used three words meaning the same thing) despite having alzheimers. It's a disgrace.

 

 

And it's bound to have a negative effect on the human psyche.

 

For one month, I'm going to be testing those negative effects. For one month, I'm going to do something no nerd has done before, something no nerd dares to do.

 

I'm going to Super Squee Me.

 

For one month, in the summer, I'm going to read one poorly written, fanservice driven, miserable pile of purple prose and Mary Sue's a day. For one month, I'm going to subject my mind to the worst conditions possible, do something incredibly painful and self destructive.

 

But it's ok. If I can save one squees intelligence-just one squee-it will all have been worth it. Even if I risk my own.

Throughout the course of this month I'm going to talk constantly with my psychologist, who will advise me in my mental cruci-fiction and tell me to pull out when the damage is irreversible. Hopefully, after the dreadful experience I'll be back to normal.

 

If I never return to the way I am right now, at this moment, well...I love you all. I just want you to know that. You've been great to me, and led me to accept my inert goodness. (I've recently joined the Good/Evil Alliance to help me deal with being good, and talked with my psychologist quite a bit. The 'rents don't know and, with any luck, never will.)

 

I'll be posting a daily journal. With any luck, I'll still be coherent.

 

Part of me doesn't want to do this. Well, actually, all of me doesn't want to do this. But I must. I must teach the masses the harm done by bad literature. Or else a good person will get hurt. I can't let that happen.

 

So...let's super squee me.

 

Books I have listed so far (Additions are loved. My sister's as much of a nerd as I am, so I don't know any bad books):

 

1.    Twilight

 

2.    The Angel Experiment

 

3.    Harry Potter Book One

 

4.    The Hunger Games

 

5.    Eragon

 

6.     New Moon

 

7.    Schools out-Forever

 

8.    The Chamber of Secrets

 

9.    Catching Fire

 

10.  Eldest

 

11.  Eclipse

 

12.  Prizoner of Azkaban

 

13.  Saving the World and Other Extreme sports

 

14.  Mockingjay

 

15.   Brisingr

 

16.  Breaking Dawn

 

17.  Fourth Maximum Ride

 

18.   Goblet of Fire

 

19.  ?

 

[Dual]

And I'll make him torture the loveable, badass, non-sue love interest. Then rape her. Then decapitate her. Then the villain will make him eat her.

*hates my charries with a burning passion...excepting the evil ones.*

*luffles all evil characters*

[nathan_p]

o.o So I guessed.

I've had my plot for, like... two years. So they're just my characters at this point, though I do favor Valentine just 'cause he crazy.

[Dual]

...On second thought, maybe he won't suicide. Maybe I'll make him be forced to live his life with the guilt and anger of what he's done. And maybe I'll make immortality one of his powers...

:3

Valentine? Describe him/her, please. (Valentine can be a last name, so it could be a guy or a girl.)

And the only character I really like is a vampire nerd I created. But he's still going to get screwed.

It is my way.

[nathan_p]

Valentine Schneider is mostly a fairly normal, somewhat twitchy biologist.

However, sometimes he goes out and murders people.

He justifies this because he honest-to-God believes he's the resurrected corpse of someone infamous and needs to collect life energy and purity from the citizens around him in order to become a real person.

[Dual]

Sounds a bit like my dad. O.O

Except without the sometimes part.

[nathan_p]

I was going to suggest 'run like fuck', but as long as he's not murdering you're good.

[Dual]

My dad, or your charrie? Or both?

My dad's cool. He used to try and kill me, but he's mellowed out a bit. I'm his only son, and mum sterilized him, so he doesn't want to kill me.

[nathan_p]

Both, really.

[Devil's Sunrise]

HOW ARE YOU ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE.

I thought that Dual, Fake Fang, and Mr. Kay were all different people... At least I knew Crowley was Fake Fang, but not that both were the other two... k...

Books that suck ass:
-Where the Red Fern Grows
-Tangerine

To be added to later when I can think of things other than beef jerky.

[Dual]

I'm technically none of those people, when you stop and think of it.

What is a thorn by any other name, hmm?

[EndOfTheEarth]

XP We spent an hour discussing just that in Philosophy. After a good half an hour, we arrived at, "A square is a square regardless."

[Omega]

Jean Auel's Clan series. It's badly written and non-researched thinly disguised soft-porn.