Secret Confessions

[Doomy]

[Edited Because I Fracking Can]

Welcome to the Secret Confessions thread. Beyond the pure anonymity of the internet, there lies a certain level of understanding behind all the accounts here on FF. The SC account carries burden of allowing the user to give a candid, private confession with (hopefully) understanding feedback. The SC thread is for other posters to give kind and/or helpful advice, words of empathy, or a secret of their own (under the SC name or not).

This account is a group account, and EVERYONE needs to treat it respectfully. By posting under the Secret Confessor, you are pledging to refrain from hate mail, "finger-pointing", insulting and being a jerkface. By posting in the SC thread, you are pledging to keep the comments respectful. This has not yet been a problem, but it's nice to have written down "just in case".

If you would like to use the SC account for ANY reason beside posting in this thread, please PM me- even if it's under the SC name (this is not to exert authority, but to maintain order over a very accessible account).

Thank you!


email/login:
[e-mail]
Password: secret

[Nighthawk]

I'm just going to post a little rant. I thought this would be a better place to put it than the What are You Doing thread. 

 

I'm basically happy with my life. I'm taking fun and normal classes, my family is great, and I have an awesome boyfriend who I'm totally happy with.

But this happiness is the problem.

Back when I was depressed and shit about boy problems, I could draw and dream and write so easily. I came up with ideas on a dime and had sketchbooks full of artwork I'd worked on for days. I even wrote half-decent poetry once in a while. I lived in a dreamland, and I produced art from it. People told me to wake up and live in the real world, and now I do. I'm happy. But my talents are turning to shit.

Now that I have a life and spend time with actual people, especially Cody, I have less time to work and dream. And when I'm alone, I'm not inspired anymore. I'm taking AP Art this year, and I can't come up with ideas.

I'm starting to miss the time when I was socially awkward and alone all the time, just because of my art.

The only thing I can think to do about it, to get my inspiration back, would be to break up with Cody. But I can't do that... We're too perfect for each other for now. I can't imagine doing that.

 

I know, I'm complaining about having a good life and being happy. My issues are pathetic.

[Fate]

No! I totally understand this, because I cannot, for the life of me, write anything of good quality when I am happy! Which is not good, because I want to make a career out of it, but have no plans to be miserable for the rest of my life. So, I'm trying to figure this out.

But I do understand. The more emotional I am, the better my creativity is. *shrug* You'll figure out how to work around it. Or you'll become good friends with someone who frustrates you beyond belief and you'll just let him piss you off until you can be creative. >.>

[EndOfTheEarth]

Then find a depressing song or story, something that won't affect your real life, but still punches you in the gut on an emotional level each time.

 

I find the short version of Les Miserables to work well enough:

1)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuS1cCnG8xc

 

2)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ptdGPt9wt4&feature=related

[Jessie~the~Singer]

Look. This has gone on long enough. I realize you're the pretty one. I realize you get all the guys. I get it. But honestly, can you shut up about it for two seconds and listen to what I have to say?? I love how I can text you and you ignore it, until you have something else to brag about. I love you, you're my best friend in the world, but PLEASE SHUT UP and let me talk. And don't get offended when I disagree with how you talk about how much you love your boyfriend, how he's the one, but then how all these guys are hitting on you and you're flirting with 3 of them. Pick one and stick with him. And treat your friends with a little respect. /endrant.

[RantingSidekick]

I often lie to people to make them feel better, I'm going to be honest about that.

 

But since when have I been doing that romantically?

 

Fuck.  I don't have feelings for you anymore, but I wish I did, now that you're admitting all this stuff.

Goddamn it where were you a month ago?

[Contradiction]

Two years ago, I joined the internet. I mean, I'd had Facebook for a bit, and I'd had email for years, and I went on Puzzle Pirates and Neopets. But, two years ago, I joined a (subjectively) real forum - TTS.

 

Back then, this was me:

It was the beginning of freshman year. I was a Twilight fangirl, and my wardrobe was only beginning the transition out of being stocked entirely by Aeropostale. I used "u" in place of "you", and I never capitalized anything when I typed on the internet. My two favorite authors were, by no contest at all, J.K. Rowling and Lemony Snicket. I dreamed constantly of getting a boyfriend, a date to homecoming. That, unsurprisingly, didn't happen, so I conceded to go with a group of girls whom I associated with on the basis that they were nice to me and I'd known them longer than other people. My dream job was in marine biology, my dream house was a small, solitary cabin in the middle of a lake somewhere in the northeast. I wanted to go to college at the University of Denver because it was close to home, my mother went there, and they had a good hockey team. I got my first iPod in October for my birthday, and my music taste was gently coaxed out of country and into acoustic and alternative rock by way of my brother. I was extremely proud of the fact that the only TV I ever watched was The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, and although I didn't really pay attention to politics, I called myself a Democrat and laughed at Sarah Palin and George Bush more or less because my dad did. I didn't play any sports, I didn't join any clubs, and the few friends I made were half-acquaintances from English class.

 

In comparison:

It's the beginning of junior year. I've grown out of both my liking and hating phases of Twilight, so that I'm now only mildly annoyed by Twilight fangirls and have a general attitude of apathy towards the series. The only writing on my shirts now has to do with my beliefs and my music tastes (and even those are fairly few and far between. I'm currently a self-policing-only Grammar Nazi, and I know how to use a semicolon. My two favorite authors (whom I hadn't heard of two years ago) are, without a doubt, Jim Butcher and Neil Gaiman. I still haven't had a boyfriend, but I don't really care and I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I had one. My dream jobs include mainly humanitarian efforts internationally, international relations with the United States, and theatre/film production; my dream living area is somewhere in a large city in the US, or somewhere in a remote community internationally. My dream school has become the University of Chicago because it's not close to home, cool people like Kurt Vonnegut went there, and it's generally an awesome place that seems to fit me really well. My music taste is rather non-classifiable in terms of genre, but it's mostly country and the songs that come up on Regina Spektor Pandora. Now, I've just gotten into Dr. Who, but I also watch Eureka, Glee, and The Daily Show. I read the newspaper, watch FOX and msnbc alternately, and get most of the rest of my political and current events information through The Young Turks. I'm still pretty ideological in my politics, but I've defined more concretely my positions (which are still solidly left), and I care more about the truth than the angry rantings of my father. I still don't play any sports, but theatre is my third home and my life after school. I've made real friends, through the internet, classes, and theatre, and I'm pretty fucking contented. 

 

I'm pretty sure none of you actually care, but I just felt the need to document my progress. Because holy shit have I changed. 

[Lamp Post]

It's very interesting to see, actually.  

 

Gosh, it's been a long time. XD

[o0_flying high_0o]

I agree with Lamp, it's very interesting. And making me realise how very little I've changed over the years.... Maybe ever so slightly better with people.

[Fake]

This looks like fun. :D I'll give it a try.

 

Very interesting, like the others said. And...I have nothing else to add. *akward crickets*

[Contradiction]

I'm glad y'all were interested.

I had no intention of writing that until yesterday; I'd not really done a point-by-point comparison even in my head before.

On one hand, I'm happy to have come here. On the other, I wish it'd happened sooner...

[Fake]

Because Contra did it, I'll do it as well. :D

 

A few Years Ago

 

1. I had one friend, who I was hopelessly dependant on and clingy to.

2. I loved Eragon and Harry Potter, hated Twilight, and couldn't understand a word of Terry Pratchett.

3. I turned to the internet to deal with my loneliness, and found myself addicted to it.

4. I was just starting to lie to my parents.

5. I was a bit of a, "Late bloomer," who had no interest in girls, yet none in guys either.

6. Politically, I was a Democrat. Even though I had no idea what I believed. Simply, my parents were democrats, so I was.

7. I was idealistic and hopeful.

8. I listened to the All American Rejects and, when I thought nobody was looking, music from the Disney channel.

9. I watched Anime, children's TV shows, and occasionally TV shows for teens. When I was feeling extremely rebellious, I might have watched South Park, half the jokes of which I didn't understand.

10. I wasn't thinking about college, and thought school was a joke.

11. I cried when my dog died.

12. I thought I was a better writer than I actually was.

 

Now...

 

1. I have many friends, and give my old friend the space she needs, while still keeping in touch with her.

2. I love Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, along with a few others.

3. I still find myself addicted to the internet.

4. I lie to my parents constantly.

5. What I find attractive makes me want to puke, and I hate myself in disgust as a result.

6. Politically, I'm now a cynic who partly retains his liberal beliefs, but mostly just thinks that no matter what I do, good people are going to suffer, bad people are going to be happy, and there's nothing I can do to change any of that.

7. I am a fucking cynic. Seriously. I have no hope for humanities survival.

8. I listen to the Beatles and little else.

9. I watch a bit of Anime to pass the time, but really don't enjoy it and only do it out of habit.

10. I'm planning my entire life ahead of me.

11. I've separated myself from my emotions, observing them instead of feeling them, and going through the motions whenever I have to.

12. I realize just how bad I am at writing, and how much better I used to be.

[Xuut]

:( I miss you. And I don't get it, are you like, purposefully ignoring me?

 

I mean, I know you have a job. I know your life is basically basketball, but at the beginning of summer you actually bothered to talk to me. Now you're never online when I am, you don't try to contact me, you even ignored my message I sent you. 

 

I am really, really, really, fucking upset by this. I don't understand what I did to make you angry at me. I don't get what happened. You suddenly just stopped being my best friend. I'm too scared to ask you because I don't want to know what the answer is. If you really ARE ignoring me, I don't get why. 

You are my best friend. You are the only one who straight up told me you thought I could do IB without a sweat. No matter how ridiculous my goal was, how hard it was going to be, or how odd something I wanted to do was, you were always optimistic about it.

I really don't want to lose you. I hope that maybe you're just too busy to talk to me. I'm too scared to ask because I don't want to stop having you there.  

Please don't become a stranger.