Welcome to the Secret Confessions thread. Beyond the pure anonymity of the internet, there lies a certain level of understanding behind all the accounts here on FF. The SC account carries burden of allowing the user to give a candid, private confession with (hopefully) understanding feedback. The SC thread is for other posters to give kind and/or helpful advice, words of empathy, or a secret of their own (under the SC name or not).
This account is a group account, and EVERYONE needs to treat it respectfully. By posting under the Secret Confessor, you are pledging to refrain from hate mail, "finger-pointing", insulting and being a jerkface. By posting in the SC thread, you are pledging to keep the comments respectful. This has not yet been a problem, but it's nice to have written down "just in case".
If you would like to use the SC account for ANY reason beside posting in this thread, please PM me- even if it's under the SC name (this is not to exert authority, but to maintain order over a very accessible account).
I screwed up big time. What I did is unforgivable. I've tried to make it up to her, but I can't. I can't change what I did in the past. I'm lost in my guilt and shame. Some days I'm all right, but others I'm on the verge of depression and I can't even go to my best friend about it. I'm the one who hurt her. The last thing I can do is go to her about the hurt I'm feeling because I hurt her. I'm the one who is suppose to be fixing things, I just happen to be failing miserably!
My family needs me. They rely on me for a lot of things, and that's the only reason I don't seriously consider suicide. But it's really hard to deal with my problems and take care of them, too.
I keep making myself busier and busier, because when I'm not doing things(like right now) my thoughts eat away at me. Because of this, I'm exhausted. I want relief. I want to be forgiven. I want to be loved and cherished and taken care of for once.
*too lazy to use SC account* *needed to rant for a bit*
I know you're unhappy, and I can't say I'm not a tiny bit enjoying it. And you know I've always been willing to make it work as friends. But I've been supportive and understanding enough.
You're being a douche bag and treating me like dirt. And when I tell you I don't want to be friends you have the nerve to say it's because I'm stil not over you? And that's the only reason I'm putting myself through this, because it would look silly and petty at this point to cut you out. I wish I'd never even met you. You've done nothing but confuse me and distract me, and you deserve this. And I' deserve better than this.
I am afraid that I'm not up to the task of basic adult life. I have trouble handling relating to other humans period; how am I supposed to act responsible and normal?
It's probably a little early to call this, but I don't plan on having any intimate relationships in the near future. Pets, maybe, but I can't handle being close to people.
If you did kill yourself we'd be left absolutely devastated. I'd be left absolutely devastated, at least, I probably shouldn't speak for everyone, but you can pretty safely assume that'd be the case.