Secret Confessions

[Doomy]

[Edited Because I Fracking Can]

Welcome to the Secret Confessions thread. Beyond the pure anonymity of the internet, there lies a certain level of understanding behind all the accounts here on FF. The SC account carries burden of allowing the user to give a candid, private confession with (hopefully) understanding feedback. The SC thread is for other posters to give kind and/or helpful advice, words of empathy, or a secret of their own (under the SC name or not).

This account is a group account, and EVERYONE needs to treat it respectfully. By posting under the Secret Confessor, you are pledging to refrain from hate mail, "finger-pointing", insulting and being a jerkface. By posting in the SC thread, you are pledging to keep the comments respectful. This has not yet been a problem, but it's nice to have written down "just in case".

If you would like to use the SC account for ANY reason beside posting in this thread, please PM me- even if it's under the SC name (this is not to exert authority, but to maintain order over a very accessible account).

Thank you!


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[Secret Confessor]

In books, fic, everything, kissing is described as something magical.

I identify as bi, but I've only ever kissed guys. And I just... don't feel anything. I really don't. I'm attracted to both genders, that much I definitely know, but even though I've been to...late second base with a guy, I've never felt anything.

Is there something wrong with me?

[EndOfTheEarth]

Nope. Kissing in and of itself as an action isn't magical--if you've ever kissed your parents or siblings (not french style, I assume) you know this.

In fact, kissing itself was a purely European invention. Other distant cultures didn't do it, so that proves that the physical action is valueless.

 

Rather, the magical feeling is something completely separate, it's the result of you wanting to be in a close physical relationship with said person (not attraction! Attraction is a brief passive thing, this thing is a lot louder and goes on for a bit longer). That feeling drives the kiss, not the other way around.

 

So, what this means is that you weren't really all that passionate about the guy(s) in question, which isn't unusual at all. In fact, this is supposedly very, very common.

[Secret Confessor]

Okay. Thanks, that's a relief. I was just worried because every time the guy seemed to really enjoy it but for me it was about as important as a hug, so.

[RantingSidekick]

Nothing wrong, love.

I've discovered that I'm sexually attracted to girls, but only romantically attracted to guys.
So inconvenient.

 

So...nothing's wrong, you're just maybe not too physically attracted to the people you've been with.
Which is the story of my life.  x.x

[Secret Confessor]

I'm done.  

I was fine faking it,

But when I no longer really exist,

When it seems like I'm not seen to the eye,

Yet also invisible to the mind. . . . 

I can't do it.

It's not like we're close,

It's not like we have anything to hold us together,

Silly me for thinking that wouldn't matter.

Although talking to you was never that enjoyable,

The act brought back good memories.

Now that's gone.

I feel replaced, and it's followed a pattern.

Do you just want me to wait for something bad to happen,

So that I can get more of a 'Hello.'

Hello, goodbye. Only words said anymore.

I'm through trying.

And I frankly can't do it, I give up.  I'm done.

[Secret Confessor]

I went through so much so that I could be yours. And then you just.... aren't interested, or, at least, don't act it. What happened? Did you see her and me and then choose the former? You know she hates me, that she does it all on purpose. Every time I get to talk to you, she just appears and drags you away. And you let her. Why do you let her? Because she's prettier than me? Because she sleeps with every guy?

 

I gave up so many chances because I thought you liked me. Now I'm not so sure. And I hate what it's done to me.

[Secret Confessor]

Have you ever gotten to the point where you wake up every morning feeling disgusted when you look in the mirror? Have you ever hated yourself because you're just not good enough for the people around you? You put on ten pounds of make-up in the morning to make yourself feel better, even though it really does no good. You wear low shirts and tight clothes, even though there's really nothing to show.

 

I've been there. I am there. I try to tell myself I'm pretty, inside and out, but it's hard to lie to the face in the mirror. People think I'm nice. I'm not. I'm just too scared of what the fingers pointed back would say. People are too shallow to see past our faces, and it's not right. But it's thousands of years of evolution playing with our minds, making us decide who's pretty and who's not with a passing glance. And I can't take it any more. I can't take looking in the mirror and feeling disgusted at the way I look, or the way I dress, or the way I talk, or the way I am.

 

Will no one even try to see past it all?

[Nighthawk]

I've given up on that. 

I quit wearing make-up, I don't talk to preppy girls, I wear jeans and t-shirts. 

I walk around school with the attitude that "I'm so awesome, but you just don't know it. I have hidden talents you would kill for. You wish you were me. You just don't know it yet."

Maybe I just have an ego, but it works.

[Py]

(:  It'll be May 19th soon.

And in honor of May 19th, I'd like to say thanks to you guys.  I'm a bit of a basket case, or whatever you'd like to call it, and 2 years ago I was this.  I was Py, I was an MXer, I was a social outcast, I was sad.  I felt like I belonged here more than I did in the real world.  I couldn't even imagine my life without a goddamn forum.  After all, my real-life friends didn't seem to think like I did.  My place was here.

It was unhealthy; I got the idea I had to be sad.  Sorta.  But I'm thanking you, in my own, lengthy, belated, awkward way, for being awesome.  And keeping me relatively sane.  So thanks.

[Secret Confessor]

This so hard.

I've been ignoring you MXers for my RL friends - and while it's upsetting, I certainly feel a lot...healthier now that I did when I was on the forums.

 

Anyways, I luff you, you you and especially you.  All of ya.  c:

 

[RantingSidekick]

Oh, whoops.

This is me, didn't realize I was signed in as SC.  o.O

[Secret Confessor]

For the purposes of furthering education (as this blog is very info...