Secret Confessions

[Doomy]

[Edited Because I Fracking Can]

Welcome to the Secret Confessions thread. Beyond the pure anonymity of the internet, there lies a certain level of understanding behind all the accounts here on FF. The SC account carries burden of allowing the user to give a candid, private confession with (hopefully) understanding feedback. The SC thread is for other posters to give kind and/or helpful advice, words of empathy, or a secret of their own (under the SC name or not).

This account is a group account, and EVERYONE needs to treat it respectfully. By posting under the Secret Confessor, you are pledging to refrain from hate mail, "finger-pointing", insulting and being a jerkface. By posting in the SC thread, you are pledging to keep the comments respectful. This has not yet been a problem, but it's nice to have written down "just in case".

If you would like to use the SC account for ANY reason beside posting in this thread, please PM me- even if it's under the SC name (this is not to exert authority, but to maintain order over a very accessible account).

Thank you!


email/login:
[e-mail]
Password: secret

[EndOfTheEarth]

Unrelated; odd how the last two pages almost everyone posted as themselves?

[Lamp Post]

XD  At this point even with the SC, I mean, we all pretty much know who it is. . . . 

And we're just super comfortable with another, I suppose. XD

[Xuut]

at this point I lack the ability to care. It's basically become a venting thread. When I feel like my post would be a bad idea on WHat Are You Doing Rught Now, I'll go here.

[Lamp Post]

*offers tea*

[Jessie~the~Singer]

So my friend's girlfriend just broke up with him. It's bad because he feels horrible. It's good because I've had a crush on him for a year now.

 

He came to me to talk about what happened, which is a good sign, right? I don't know. I need help, guys! What am I supposed to do? I don't want to let this chance pass, but I don't know if he feels the same.

[EndOfTheEarth]

Hmmm...

Be there for him. A lot. Make yourself a constant visual presence, and get some very light physical contact (shoulder or hand) in there if you can. Stress that it makes you feel bad to see him in pain (do not, however, work him towards moving on or trying to make amends).

The thing about guys and girls, guys have a hard time noticing subtle things whereas girls think about the subtle things constantly. So, by making yourself a constant presence--an even bigger constant presence than you are right now, you're providing him with a constant visual cue and a first-girl for his brain to jump to.

In short, you are classically conditioning him towards yourself--bizzare, I know, but that's what it is.

 

Or, that's what I assume the effective way to do it is. Looking back on it objectively, that's how my past and present girlfriends got my attention.

[nathan_p]

Fuck going anon.

 

I have a headache and I feel shitty :\ 

 

I went for a hike today shirtless, and it was great. I like being able to get away like that.

 

But then I came home to a house where I'm someone's daughter, and that was not so great. I don't feel like that girl anymore. Her clothes are in boxes and I don't think they'll come back out. 

 

My parents have two sons. One of them is just in disguise right now, wearing a body that doesn't really fit. (PS hiking in a binder / sports bra is miserable and sweaty, but whatever.) 

 

Someone else told me I was being immature, and I took it hard. All evening I've been feeling tired and shitty and depressed. Like I want to disappear and get away.

 

It's getting easier to see a face in the mirror that's familiar to me, a face that I know is mine. But the body doesn't match and I don't like that.

 

I don't want to be a "miss" anymore.

[Brandybuck]

I suppose offering tea wouldn't entirely cover it.

 

If I'm assuming correctly and we're like, the first people you've told... that took balls.  I can't speak for everyone else, but you've always been one of the fucking nicest people on here, and I'm pretty sure we'll all love you even more for it.  If the body you're trapped in or the person you're trying to be is making you unhappy, then fuck everyone else and be who you want.  I don't know if you want us to alienate you, or tell you its okay, or just not respond at all... we are who we are, and to us you're just Nathan_p, writer of one of the best continuous fanfics of all time and pro-mod-extraordinaire.  If I'm honest, I don't really know what I'm trying to say, but just... don't feel alone.  I can't pretend to know what you're going through; all I can do is say I'm here and I still love you as much as everyone else on this site.

 

For what it's worth, back on MX, for like the first three months I knew you, I just assumed you were a guy. That's the presence you gave off, though I'm sure the name and monochrome picture contributed to a degree. That's never really changed for me, it's who you've always been in my mind, and if you need a different body to be that same, clever, awesome person in real life, do it.

[EndOfTheEarth]

All to your own preference, of course. It's your life and your body, and while science can't do wings quite yet, we can sure do quite a lot of other stuff, including what you have in mind, if that's what you want.

At the same time, it isn't a cheap procedure. For now you're still a girl, and you're still human--either of which can produce depressive mood swings. Make sure that this is you talking, not a random bout of depressive chemicals. To reiterate, I'm saying this because it's an expensive, time-consuming, and life changing procedure--you should be 100% sure and in complete control of yourself upon making the decision, not because I'm trying to recommend you one way or the other.

 

Keep us posted.

[Xuut]

Fuck everyone who told you that you're being immature. 

 

You don't feel comfortable being a girl. Who gives a fuck about what other people have to say about it. You have every right to say so. You're not a 13 year old girl going through an angst stage or rebelling against your parents. You're a mature adult (more or less) who sincerely believes that they should be a guy. If you've been thinking about this for a long time, I'm willing to bet it's just not some random little mood swing thing. 

I'm 90% sure my sister feels the same way. Yet, due to the media, my parents, and just about everyone around her telling her she should be a girl, she's really confused. I say, fuck them. It's your decision to do what you want to yourself. If you really feel like you should be a dude, go for it. You're basically our mama bear (so to speak) and I support whatever you decide to do (within reason, I'm not going to tell you going on a murder spree is a good idea...) because as a general rule, I know you're going to think it through first. 

 

Aaaand for clarification, I don't give a shit about your gender. You're Nathan, whether you're a chick or a dude, really doesn't factor into the fact that you're pree much one of the chillest people on here.

We love you because you're Nathan. Our awesome Mod, dear friend, and general fucking rad person. Don't forget that. 

And just to let you know, I'm sorry this was sappy, but I felt that you needed to be reminded that you're awesome. Fuck everyone who will ever say anything different, especially if it's just something as trivial as genders. 

[o0_flying high_0o]

If you're sure, love. I've not heard you speak so explicitly or certainly about this, but, well, it's been two forevers since we've talked, and I have heard you... imply? suggest that this is what you want. And that was quite a while ago.

Gender is confusing. And, for someone who doesn't have an issue with their biological gender, it's difficult to imagine what it would be like to have that disconnect. And it's not something many people are aware of, or spend much time thinking of, which might make it even harder for them to understand your decision. Unless they study humanities, where at college level gender and sexuality are discussed as part of everything.

 

Are you hoping to have the surgery soon, or are you looking more for... recognition? And bringing others to terms with it first?

[Fate]

Nathan,

 

It has been ages since I've had a real conversation with you, but we used to talk a lot. We were... 'depression buddies', I believe you once called it. And you were there for me when I needed you. You understood what I was going through and you kept me sane.

 

Maybe it's because it has been ages since we talked, but like Emily said, I thought you had implied before now. I kind of think this is a decision you reached a long time ago, but it's one that maybe you're just start of acknowledging. I don't know. I'm not in your head.

 

I guess I have a couple of points to my ramble. The first being, that I, of course, support you. Whatever you decide to do, I'll support you. Even though we're not as close, I'm still here if you need me. I do believe you have a few ways to get in touch. FB, email, phone, PM, whatever floats your boat.

The second is simply that, I miss you. I miss talking to you.

 

I don't exactly understand what you're going through. But apparently I'm a good listener. And I'm available to talk basically whenever because sleep just isn't that important anymore. If you want to talk to someone, I can listen. After all that you've done for me, it's the least that I can do.

 

Love you.