Oh, happy holidays, guys. Hope you're all surviving being home for break.
Hi everyone. Merry Christmas and happy whatever-you-celebrate.
Happy belated holidays to everyone, and a happy New Year.
Life Update: I got accepted into my first choice college, which is fantastic. I survived the application process; now for scholarship applications and all the other things I need to do. I don't even want to think about it right now. I think I want to major in psychology, maybe be a psychiatrist one day. This particular school has a brand new psych program and building, so it'll be nice to be a part of that first generation. I'm just really excited to get out of here and meet new people.
We're dissecting a cat in my anatomy class next week. I'm not too squeamish with that kind of thing, but the smell usually gets to me. I have to be the head surgeon for my team. I'm worried I'm going to screw it up and it's a huge part of our grade. Any tips?
I have never been so happy for the end of a year.
I'm happy to hear that, Fate!
I've had a good first week of the year. Now bring on the other 51!
Read this on Reddit. Reminded me of you guys. The "Then it got dumb. Captain-Planet dumb" line made me laugh.
Is JP's adult books really that much better?
I've taken a look at some of his newer stuff and it seems just as awful as new MR.
When the Wind Blows was interesting in how it portrayed the bird kids, but Frannie and Kit were pulp romance characters, and the villain's endgame was just as dumb as any of the Itex people in MR. This worsens for everyone including the bird kids in Lake House, where there's a brief amount of running, some birdkid sex, and a villain who spends his entire novel capturing people so he can take all the organs out of their torsos...for no real reason.
I haven't read any of Patterson's detective novels, so I can't comment on those, but I hear that the Alex Cross series is no better.
Happy belated New Year and happy early Chinese New Year guys! :)
It's been so long since I've even checked up on here. Really miss y'all (if I don't stalk you on Tumblr anyways).
I'm really glad for this year to be over. It was mostly filled with disappointment and losing most of my friends, partly my fault, partly theirs and eternally grateful for the people who have stuck around. I've become amazingly good friends with this guy who I went to summer camp with in 2012 and saw at debates a few times, but oddly enough not until this summer did we actually start talking to each other. He thinks it's because we were both lonely, I wouldn't disagree. Also become good friends with a girl who I don't think I'd ever talk to which is really nice and she admits she's trying harder to make friends.
The end of this year was just awful. I finally took the initiative to ask a guy I thought was pretty cool out, only to get stood up. And somehow everyone, including people I didn't even talk to, knew, and that just felt like a huge violation of my usually very strict privacy rules. Best of all, I had a three hour meeting for my Model UN event which is basically the only thing that keeps me sane anymore and I spent the entire time trying to figure out if this guy there was him. Friend says I need to let it go, which I thought it did, and it's just shitty.
Near finals week basically all my friends disappeared, especially my best friend here, literally not a single message from him, he removed his Facebook, it all just kinda went to hell. And naturally I hate Christmas so with that impending I just really felt lonely and shitty and just meh and of course I was really terrified I was going to slip into depression again because my behavioral patterns were frighteningly similar to those I used to have. I'm good, I think. Better than nothing.
The new year has been shaping up. Best friend finally talked to me again, although I learned what was wrong over a week ago before we talked, we're okay. I'm waiting for my Queens acceptance but I am in the processing of signing my first lease! So excited. My friend hooked me up with a room in her house, it's fantastic. I think losing my friends this year has really pushed my resolve to go to Kingston, I realize I don't have a lot to stay for anymore and that I'll be back to where I was last month: miserable. I'm going back to Debate now and I'm crossing my fingers for JA volunteering. Job sucks but I can't quit because dad hurt his back, but that's life I suppose. Started reading for leisure and it feels great and I've started to write quotes I really like into a book which I haven't done in three years and it feels really nice.
Cut my hair, donated 11 inches to cancer patients, I think I really wanted a change to feel different but of course it doesn't work like that. The irresponsibility of my mother still aggravates me to no end, especially now that we work together.
The friend I made over the summer said something like, "I haven't felt myself since June" and I can really relate to that lately. I don't think I've been myself since summer. I really miss school.
tl;dr life was shitty now it's okay. Everything will be okay.
So my life is still mostly incredibly shitty and I'm here to share. Maybe getting it all off my chest will help. Maybe I'll go see a counselor. Everything's up in the air at this point. (I'm sorry for always just posting my life problems here in long rants)
I have no friends here so I feel shitty about that, but then I also feel shitty about the fact that it’s basically my fault for not putting myself out there. My friends at home have gotten closer since I left, which makes it all worse somehow. I’m self-conscious about going anywhere because it’s always by myself, so I don’t eat as much as I should and I spend way too much time watching Netflix.
My parents are getting a divorce because my mom cheated on my dad. She’s moving out but not in with her girlfriend so they have to get a new mortgage, which is putting financial and emotional strain on everyone. I can’t get over the feeling that she betrayed me too.
I have a girlfriend but I’m not out to the two people here I talk to regularly (my roommate and my aunt), so I worry about being on the phone and stuff when I’m in my room and every time I talk to my aunt I feel like I’m holding something back. And I think all the time about being with my girlfriend, but she’s 2000 miles away. We’ve only spent 2 weeks apart so far and we’re doing good with what we have, we’re closer since break (and since breaking up and getting back together) but there’s something sort of necessarily awful about LDRs.
My GPA last semester was fine, but also the lowest it’s ever been.
I’m transferring schools next semester, likely to the University of Denver, which is about half an hour away from my house. It’s also my mother’s alma mater. I don’t want to go back to my parents, that’s not the point at all. I miss Denver though, I miss Colorado and its atmosphere and I want to be closer to my girlfriend. It’s also a great school with a good poli sci program, a women’s studies department, a good-sized student body, Greek life, and really nifty study abroad opportunities. Everything about DU makes it sound perfect for me, but I still feel like I have to over-justify it to everyone else. Like, no, I’m not just running back home. But then I’m afraid that maybe I am, that maybe I’m weak or too immature to go to college and all this negative bullshit just floods my brain and I can’t get rid of it…
My girlfriend (who knows all of this) and my favorite professor from last semester (who I talked to when I came back to school and who knows bits and pieces) both think I should go see a counselor. It’s easy to believe when I’m sobbing on my bed and wallowing in misery that I should, but then I have breaks like this and it doesn’t seem that important anymore.
This is the second day in a row so far I’ve gone without crying, a record I think since I got back to DC on the 9th. I’m moody and stressed out a lot, the smallest things set me off. School has barely started but it feels like it’s been months.
I'm not depressed in the way I understand depression. I still get excited by the things I always have, I'm still happy a fair amount of the time. When I have opportunities to go out and do things with people, I always say yes. Classes are fine, the work isn't dragging me into the ground. It's in the in-between times, when I have nothing and no one but my thoughts and my desperation to be back in Colorado that absolutely everything feels like it's falling apart.
I'm not sure what to do, but I sure as hell wish this semester was over already.
© 2023 Created by Z. Powered by