Maximum Ride Forever Review:
Do you think anyone writes Fifty Shades of Grey (Gray?) fanfiction where, instead of unrealistic sex, the focus is on the mundane day to day lives of the characters?
Going for a light jog, driving to work, maybe filing their tax returns...
I'd assume so. It probably isn't that popular.
Consider, we developed a whole ARG about Itex's inter-office emails back in 2011.
You know when you watch a show and you absolutely hate it but you already dedicated time to the first season so you almost have to watch the second season because train wrecks are so fascinating to watch? Yeah, this is how I have chosen to spend my precious time. I make awful decisions sometimes.
PS only the entire internet is talking about it, but the new Mad Max is really good.
Is it bad that I found it kind of boring?
I mean, it wasn't terrible--(Warning: Spoiler ahead) at first I legitimately believed that Furiosa was going to die, which means that on some level I actually believed the action had consequence, which is a breath of fresh air, let me tell you--but, ironically, to me the entire experience brought nothing to mind more than watching molasses.
Maybe I just don't like movies? :/
OH WHAT A SPRAY! WHAT A LOVELY SPRAY!
You could just be a more cerebral person.
I mean, if you walk into Pacific Rim expecting Citizen Kane, you're going to have a bad time. Same case with Mad Max. It was a fun visual experience. They gave you a detailed world with lots of movement and action. It showed us a story rather than telling us one. In short, it was good cinema.
Now, if we translated Mad Max into a book, would it still be as fun? Of course not! It would read like a Patterson novel. In books we want lots of content, extensive character progression, and a big o'le world. We also get 400-odd pages to demonstrate that world, rather than the 120 quad-spaced pages of dialogue you get in a film.
But hey, if you're looking for a story with consequence, Max and Furiosa weren't your target characters. They, like, The Doctor, are the thing that happens to the world. For progression, followed by death, Consider Nux. Really consider him, starting with who he was at the start of the film as compared to who he was by his final scene.
Me? A cerebral person? It's like you don't even remember how much a fool I am, and not in the endearing way either. I'm almost offended.
Jokes aside, this...actually helps. I suppose on some level I was afraid that I was being a snob, but there's nothing stoping me from acknowledging the quality of a movie like Fury Road while simultaneously not enjoying it.
I was about to argue that I'd find a Mad Max book focused on world building fascinating, but then I realised that the main appeal of the movie to me was the unspoken world building (Nux and the other drivers spraying their teeth because they worship automobiles, for instance), so agreed.
Agreed about Nux. The way he went from wanting to die for glory to choosing to sacrifice himself for the others was pretty cool, I'll admit.
After nearly ten years, I've taken all my MR books and finally boxed them away. Time to figure out how to use the new shelf space.
So a Paranormal Romance, only instead of sexy vampires, it's sexy C'thulhu.
Hahahaha goddamn I need a drink. I regret being a teetotaller. I guess it sounds like it's sort of self-aware?
But she's presumably going to be shagging a squid-man who might accidentally destroy us all. I mean, how does that even work?
Sue: Oh, Iquaeilighat-Yithoraug, I can't stand it any more! Your gorgon-like tendrils! Your many flailing appendages that are highly reminiscent of rotten maggot infested meat, in looks, smell, and taste! Your blotched, blemished skin that is textured in such a way that I vomit every time I see you! I can't do this any more! Take me now, you handsome, hunky, eldritch terror! I can't resist your charm any longer!
Later in the novel...
Henry: Young lady, how dare you? I refuse to let you marry that disgusting freak! How can...how can you stand to be touched by something that's so different, so grotesque!? "He," as you so affectionately call that monster, is incapable of love or human feelings!
Sue: Daddy, I don't care about normal convention! I don't care about how I was raised, or who my parents were! Our love will find a way! Like Romeo and Juliet! Papa, tell him!
David: Now, sweetie, your dad and I just want what's best for you. We don't want you to do something out of lust that you'll regret later on in life.
Henry: Honey, I know you mean well, but I am not going to compromise with her on this issue. I could never let my little girl marry a Liberal-Arts major.
Sue: Daddy, what if Papa didn't want to go into mathematics?! What if he wanted to be a Literature major instead?! Would you still love him?!
Henry: I...of course, sweetie, but--
Sue: --Then why can't you accept that Iquaeilighat-Yithoraug and I were meant to be?! That we're soulmates?!
David: Honey, maybe we should have a talk with him privately about this. It would be wrong to do something like this without getting his impression first.
Henry: I...no. I can't accept this. You're only in love with him because of his looks! There's no way I can accept my little girl being seduced by a History Major like him, even if he is incredibly handsome!
*everyone suddenly realizes that Iquaeilighat-Yithoraug has just entered the room and has stopped at the doorway*
Sue: We...Iquaeilighat, we didn't realize you were...
*Iquaeilighat-Yithoraug gives a sad look, and turns around, about to leave the room. He pauses, and obviously holding back bitter tears, he sadly yet somehow sexily speaks.*
Sue: Oh, Iquaeilighat-Yithoraug,I don't care if your presence makes my eyes bleed, or that you inflicted unimaginable agony upon my father because he wouldn't let me marry you! I don't care what my family thinks of me being with someone like you--I...I love you!
Sue: Oh Iquaeilighat! How I wish to bear your thousand young!
Violet: Fine, seven hundred twenty nine young. Jesus Christ. No need to be a dick about it.
It is about a girl named Andromeda "Andi" Slate who falls in love with Riley Bay, the human guise of none other than Cthulhu himself.
I'm going to be honest for once--I've had most of that skit on my computer for over four years (It's probably at least five, but I can't be sure because I'm disorganised and was bad at managing my own data back then), desperate for an excuse to post it. This is the first time it's semi-relevant, and I'll take what I can get.