WHEN MILD MANNERED EDWARD CULLEN WAS BITTEN BY A RADIOACTIVE PIXIE ELF, HE OVERNIGHT DEVELOPED SUPER PIXIE POWERS! FROM THEN ON, HE WAS KNOWN AS SPARKLEMAN! PROTECTOR OF THE INNOCENT! DEFENDER OF TRUTH! HERO OF JUSTICE!
(To the theme of the old spiderman cartoons)
Sparkle man, sparkle man. Does what ever a sparkle man can.
Stops a car! Any size! Just so long as he's not checking out guys!
Look out! Here comes the sparkle man!
Is he gay? Listen, mate. He went a century without a date.
Can he slap-Bella hard?
Take a look-she just hit a car!
Theeeeeereeee....there goes the Sparkle man!
In the chiillll of night! Out side of Bella's window!!
Just a kid-oh right! He's actually a pedo!
Sparkle man! Sparkle man!
Homosexual pedophile sparkle man!
Welcome Jake! His reward!
For tolerating Bella, who is a whore.
To him! Life is a great big pain, yup!
Girls keep calling and he has to hang-up!
(To the theme of the Speed Racer theme songs)
Here he stalks! Here stalks Ed-o-phile! He’s a pixie with fangs! He’s a pedo and he’s gonna be molestin’ a certain someone!
He’s gaining on you so you better pray he’ll be mild! He’s busy looking at some sleeping loli child!
And when the wolves are against you and there are no girls to touch! Then you’ll love Ed-o-phile and the evil Dr. And Such!
Mo-lest children! Mo-lest children! Cause he’s a ped-dooo!
He’s often lying when he says he under age as well! Thinks an eternity with Bella is unliving hell! Won’t die even if you cut off his head!Mo-lest children! Mo-lest children! Cause he’s a ped-dooo!