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You Only Die Twice: A new project by Fake Fang

((Lulz. New story. Give your critique, please.))

“Halloween night, huh?” Luke Cypher was in his usual position—slouching in his favorite arm chair, some sort of heavy metal blasting in his ears from his MP3 player. In front of him was a mug of iced tea, with enough sugar and, of all things, milk in it to feed a small country for a day. He flashed his usual, devilish grin, a smile that he wore in all but the worst of times. “So? What should we do?” The blonde glanced at us from over his sun glasses, his mismatched eyes as strange looking as usual.

Aku, who was also in her usual position—sitting on the couch, shoes off, arms wrapped around legs in a fetal position—stared at him blankly, before saying, in her typical monotone, “There is no necessity to celebrate the meaningless ritual known as Halloween. I’m still unsure why your culture bothers to celebrate it.” The woman spoke with hardly the trace of an accent; it was clear that she was an expert at English.

Father Nick smiled at her, and said simply, “Japan celebrates it too, Miss Moka.” He was reading a nonfiction novel of some sort, sitting there with a polite look on his face as he did so.

She was silent for a few seconds, before letting out a sigh. “My culture celebrates Halloween simply so that the retailers can make a lot of money in the otherwise slow month of October, due to the customs of your nation leaking over to Japan. However, I’m neither proud nor acceptant of that fact. Frankly, I dislike my culture’s habits almost as much as I do yours. However, we’re getting off the topic at hand. Why you lot waste your time and money on such a meaningless holiday.

Luke’s smile didn’t falter for even a second, and he spoke almost as soon as Aku finished. “Simple! It’s fun! Fun for the sake of fun is the essence of American culture! And Halloween is the best holiday there is, when it comes to fun!” He adjusted his sunglasses, and his grin widened. “Chocolate! Halloween parties! Girls in sexy costumes! Scary movies! Sweet iced tea!”

Aku sighed, putting her head in her hand. “…Whatever. Just…whatever.” She was dressed in her usual casual clothes, consisting of a t-shirt and jeans. For a Shinto miko, she wasn’t exactly…well, eloquent. Maybe it was the American influence, I don’t know.

“I think it’d be fun to do something,” I said spontaneously.

Instantly, everyone turned to look at me, surprised. Like they had just seen a ghost. Fair enough, I guess.

Luke stared at me for a brief moment, before saying, “See, Aku? Even Ray wants to do something.”

The Miko looked conflicted. She turned to me with a pleading look, but I just shrugged, a cheerful grin on my face. She turned to the father, who merely smiled.

“…Fine.” She said quietly.

Our faithful leader grinned like the devil, and pumped his fist. “Right, it’s official! We’re going to have a party! Everyone, dress up-preferably in skimpy outfits, except for you, Nick-and bring some food. I’ll bring the decorations, music, and everything else! Let’s do this!”

Father Nick nodded in agreement. “My, my…this’ll be fun. Though I suspect that neither Ray nor Aku will actually dress as you wish.” At this, Aku glared at Luke, who smiled back warmly. My cheeks flushed, and the father let out a chuckle.

“Don’t be absurd, Nick! Girls dressing in skimpy clothes is what Halloween is all about! Also-“ He dodged a rather well thrown shoe from Aku, who looked a bit like a baseball pitcher at the time. The shoe slammed into the wall with frightening force before hitting the ground. “…Also, I’d like to point out that there aren’t any non skanky Halloween costumes for girls their age out there. Seriously, you have to wonder just what the retailers are thinking. Friggin’ pervs.”

“Like you have a right to call them that, you hypocrite!” Aku said, throwing her second shoe. Luke silently raised a hand with viper speed and caught the projectile. He wagged a finger at Mako. “Tsk, tsk, Aku. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Degrading yourself to violence. “ She gritted her teeth at him, before lunging. He laughed, as he ducked under her and flipped her to the ground, where she let out a gasp.

“You’re seven point three seconds too slow, miss Aku,” he said teasingly as she got to her feet. “And seven point three seconds too late. You’re going to have to try better than that!”

She spat at his feet, a grimace on her face. She glared at Luke, before gritting her teeth and lunging again. Luke watched calmly, not moving-

-only for her to be grabbed from behind and restrained by the young priest. “Please calm down, miss Aku,” he said passively. “Violence isn’t the answer-“

“-No, it’s the question. The answer-“ she said as she struggled against the priest, “-IS YES!”

“Please calm down,” I said, standing up.

And…there was the look again.

“You know, I completely forgot that you were here,” Cypher said meekly. “But you heard the mute! Aku, stop trying to attack me! It’s in bad taste to attack I, Luke Cypher, fearless leader of Die Twice!” He grinned at the Miko, and crossed his arms. “Now, before you kill me, I have one thing to say, and one thing only.

“Who throws a shoe, honestly?”


“Knew you were gonna say that,”

“You-“ she started, but Luke cut her off, a curious look on his face. Instantly, he snatched the phone, just as it was about to ring.

“Die Twice, this is Mr. Cypher speaking, hello Mr. Adrian, it’ s my very good pleasure to meet you.” He paused, giving the man on the other line a chance to speak. “I-“ the man started, but Luke cut him off. “No, I don’t have caller ID. I’m just very good at my job. Now, what is it exactly that you want from us on this fine evening?”

Luke didn’t’ say anything for a while, instead choosing to just nod his head and say, “Uh-huh. Uh. Yeah. Right,” with the occasional, “No,” thrown in there. Suddenly, his face turned dark. “Understood. We’ll be there immediately. Thank you for calling us.” And, with that, he hung up.

We all looked at him with concern-well, except for Aku, who was still angry at him and going through the, “Ignoring Luke,” part of her hour. “Guys…” Luke said, his face no longer smiling. “I know you’re not going to like this-no, seriously, I know-but we have a mission.”

The father sighed, and took off his glasses, wiping them. “Well, then.”

Aku simply smiled bitterly and, though none of us would ever admit it, spoke for all of us. “Wonderful.”

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Comment by Ovie! Ovie! Ovie! Oy! Oy! Oy! on October 29, 2010 at 5:13pm
So, it's just a brief idea you had, or something your working on?

Because otherwise it went over my head and I can't give an opinion if it's so.
Comment by Dual on October 29, 2010 at 10:46pm
This is part one of a novella.

And I intend to explain everything.
Comment by Brandybuck on November 5, 2010 at 12:48pm
'Thought the writing was well done. Characters are really good. Them and your narration are probably its strongest points. I liked it.


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