Secret Confessions

[Doomy]

[Edited Because I Fracking Can]

Welcome to the Secret Confessions thread. Beyond the pure anonymity of the internet, there lies a certain level of understanding behind all the accounts here on FF. The SC account carries burden of allowing the user to give a candid, private confession with (hopefully) understanding feedback. The SC thread is for other posters to give kind and/or helpful advice, words of empathy, or a secret of their own (under the SC name or not).

This account is a group account, and EVERYONE needs to treat it respectfully. By posting under the Secret Confessor, you are pledging to refrain from hate mail, "finger-pointing", insulting and being a jerkface. By posting in the SC thread, you are pledging to keep the comments respectful. This has not yet been a problem, but it's nice to have written down "just in case".

If you would like to use the SC account for ANY reason beside posting in this thread, please PM me- even if it's under the SC name (this is not to exert authority, but to maintain order over a very accessible account).

Thank you!


email/login:
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Password: secret

[Lamp Post]

XDDD *laughs* Win.

[Devil's Sunrise]

**heels

[Secret Confessor]

I'm so tired of life. I'm really worn out. The happy moments are so fleeting and I'm constantly dealing with problem after problem, some new and some reoccurring. Several of them are huge and devastating, but the little things add up too. I hate that everyone doesn't know what to say. I hate hearing, "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say." Talk about the weather, rant about your cat, make me laugh. I want distractions. I need distractions, they're keeping me alive.

When I'm feeling sad, my best friend and I sit in silence, because I'm normally the one to keep the conversation going. At first I thought she just didn't want to talk to me when I'm sad, but then I realized she doesn't know how to, and it makes me feel bad. I just want her to talk to me about anything, but she doesn't seem to know how to start a real conversation. I'm tired of being the one to keep our friendship alive and I've been letting it slip lately. We're drifting apart and we both know it.

I don't even know what the point of this was. This small rant did make me feel a little better though.

[Lamp Post]

Heh, story of my life.

*offers tea*

Good luck, hon. If you need anything, or just to rant or something, feel free to PM me.

[Doomy]

:(

I'm so sorry to hear about this. My own issues I'm sure aren't as devastating as your own, but I can empathize a bit with what you're going through. Especially the conversation part. But on that in a second.

Take the awkward "I don't know what to say"'s as a gift. I remember when my mom was diagnosed, someone I considered a close friend said something so absolutely inappropriate and insensitive, that it severely altered my opinion of her for a very long time. Often times, even when people have been through a similar experience (though she hadn't), they still want to make sure not to say the wrong thing. To many, saying nothing is better than saying something hurtful. I know that it doesn't help much, but because there is no way to make someone respond in a way that makes you feel better, learning how to adjust your own reactions to their responses is the best thing you can do.

I think that the best thing you can do during the long silences with your friend is to just tell her to talk about something. I'm always the chattiest one in the room, and it's severely noticeable when I'm upset and don't want to talk, so I understand what you mean exactly. If possible, try inviting a group of people when you go out. That might be how you two can continue to see one another right now.

Sorry if none of this is what you need to hear, or isn't very helpful >.> pretty much everything here is based on personal experience.

[Hannah]

Am I really that out of touch with my old friends?

They're going to see Eclipse this weekend without me. And they were talking about it in front of me. And they didn't invite me.

Should I really be offended by this, considering it's not like I even like them or make any effort to hang out with them?
Am I over-reacting? I mean, it's not like this has ever happened before, and they know I bash Twilight all the time...

I guess my real problem is that I feel like I should be hurt by this. I'm just not. I don't like these people. And this isn't me being all high-and-mighty, conceited, I'm-so-mature-that-I-can't-stand-to-be-in-their-presence kind of attitude, I just don't like them. I mean, I feel like when I'm with them I can't be myself. I don't like having to be the shoulder to cry on when they break up with their boyfriends, and then having to be happy when they get new boyfriends, while all the while I'm marveling at the fact that nothing in their lives seem to be more important than the male species.

When did I become such a God damn shut-in?

[Devil's Sunrise]

When the people outside started to suck. It's okay, we get that too. Well, most of us. Sometimes alone time is alright. Try walking places, doesn't matter where, and just look at things. Really helps.

[nathan_p]

Alone is fine >.> My recommendation is make better friends.

[Secret Confessor]

I don't really understand myself anymore.

I've been on a constant diet since before I hit High School, and it's really getting me down. I was bullied for my weight and, as such, have failed to lose any while I tried so desperately to. Where I was barely overweight at the start I'm now 89kg or so on a 5'8" frame, which is much too high and my doctor classes me as obese.

But I cant seem to lose any of it.

When I think of myself being slim I want to eat, and I dont know why. I want to be thinner, and hopefully be more confident because I'm sure my constant issues with how I look is driving my other half up the wall (even if he does insist that he loves my weight now, and will support me if I stay the same or diet). I know it's driving me up the wall, and this is my mind we're talking about.

I also cant help eating just because I'm bored. We sell snacky foods at work, and the shift manager lets you snack out as long as the sutomers cant see you, so it's all too easy to grab a nibble here and there. The problem being gthe nibbles pile up until you've eaten way too much.

Why do I keep doing that? I have no idea.

I've also reverted back to a stage I was in while at High School, which I'm quite ashamed of. I keep hurting myself, but in ways people wont really notice, like having baths that are boiling hot so they scorch my skin and make it red, and hurt for a while afterwards. I've started pinching and hitting myself too, not hard enough to make a mark, but enough to hurt,

I think there's something wrong with me, and I'm frightened I cant control it.

[Hannah]

I'm going to start with what seems to be the most pertinent problem, you're hurting yourself. Do you know why you hurt yourself? I mean, most people just say 'it makes me feel better', but sometimes they can pinpoint an emotion with it. I'm not an expert, but I suppose I'm more experienced than most... As for your weight, I don't know what to tell you. If cutting back on what you eat is difficult, you should try excersizing. Even if you can't afford a gym membership, you can run around your neighborhood. I eat tons, but I'm eating healthy foods, I just excersize a bunch to keep my weigh in check. Back when I lost a lot of weight, I didn't diet at all, I just excersized.

[RantingSidekick]

I just finished the novel, In a Heartbeat, by Loretta Ellsworth.

It was a story of a girl who received a heart transplant, and began to take on characteristics of her donor.

1. This book made me cry, and I love when books can do this.
2. I finished this novel, and cried for the next twenty minutes for all of you, because I have no idea what I would do without all of you.
I love you all so incredibly much, so please don't ever go. I can't deal with you guys taking absences, so there's no way I could even imagine dealing with a death.

Sorry, but I had to get that out. Please stay. I love you all unbelievably so.

...I need a hug, I think.

[Lamp Post]

*hugs*

I miss you, btw.