Secret Confessions

[Doomy]

[Edited Because I Fracking Can]

Welcome to the Secret Confessions thread. Beyond the pure anonymity of the internet, there lies a certain level of understanding behind all the accounts here on FF. The SC account carries burden of allowing the user to give a candid, private confession with (hopefully) understanding feedback. The SC thread is for other posters to give kind and/or helpful advice, words of empathy, or a secret of their own (under the SC name or not).

This account is a group account, and EVERYONE needs to treat it respectfully. By posting under the Secret Confessor, you are pledging to refrain from hate mail, "finger-pointing", insulting and being a jerkface. By posting in the SC thread, you are pledging to keep the comments respectful. This has not yet been a problem, but it's nice to have written down "just in case".

If you would like to use the SC account for ANY reason beside posting in this thread, please PM me- even if it's under the SC name (this is not to exert authority, but to maintain order over a very accessible account).

Thank you!


email/login:
[e-mail]
Password: secret

[o0_flying high_0o]

*hugs*

And you're not allowed to die either, love.

[Megan (Fishy)]

*hugs* You're not allowed to die. We wont' either. Nobody can die, I need you all too much.

[MusicInTheWind]

I'm just going to rant...

This is what I tell myself everyday:
You're worthless.
Nobody cares about you.
You deserve to die.
You're going to end up alone one day.
You fail at everything.
Everyone thinks you're a failure.

I believe all of that. I know I shouldn't but I can't stop. It's like a record that keeps playing the same thing. I just want it to stop but I can't find the off switch. I'm just so depressed all the time. My friend notices it. I didn't want her to though. But she knows me too well. I told her I thought about killing myself and she flipped. She told me she would kill herself if I did. I told her that she can't but she won't listen to me. I keep telling her that she should move on and be happy. When I tell her that, she calls me a hypocrite. I agree with her but that's what I want for her if I do die.
Like I said, I'm depressed. I'm on anti-depressants and I'm also on anxiety medication. My anxiety got so out of control, I started having panic attacks. I also stopped eating and sleeping. I'm still having panic attacks. Thankfully, they aren't on a day-to-day basis. They're just weekly now.
I'm tired of life. I've thought about killing myself multiple times. Sometimes, I go into the kitchen and just wonder what knife could just end it all. Some days, I just sit in my room and cry. I cry for the days when I used to be happy. I cry for the person I used to be. She's not here anymore. I can't find her. I fear that she's gone completely. That thought depresses the hell out of me.

[Xuut]

-Gives tea-

You're worth more than a tonne of gold.
I care about you, which is someone.
You're too good to die.
You're not going to end up alone because at the very least you have us.
You just have sky high standards, which is why you think you're bad at everything.
I don't think you're a failure so that statement isn't true.

If you want, I'll record it and then post if for you to hear over and over again. None of what you tell yourself is true.

And please, please, please, don't do anything to yourself.

And maybe you should see someone to talk about this. It sounds very serious.

[MusicInTheWind]

I am seeing someone.

[Xuut]

Well that's good.

Just try to remind yourself of the people who do really care about you and see that you are worth something.

[Hannah]

Those thoughts are so tempting. I could say its not true all day long, and it's not, but that would only make you feel better for a second.

Every day, you should make a list about the cool things about you. Ten things minimum. Every night, you are going to read those things. You can cross out the ones that aren't true, but when you go to bed you should have at least ten.

It might not work, but I think you should try it.

[o0_flying high_0o]

*hughughughug*

We care about you. We love you. You deserve to live a long, full life, so that you can have a chance to experience happiness again, because trust me it will come. No matter what, you will always have us. You will never be alone, without support and people who care for you. I don't think you're a failure, no one here does. Your friend obviously doesn't. You, from what I've seen, are an intelligent and wonderful person, and in no way do you seem like a failure.

I know it's not easy to change your thinking, but if you keep reminding yourself how wonderful you are, how highly we think of you, and how highly your friend thinks of you.
Please don't kill yourself, or hurt yourself in anyway. Honestly, love, it will hurt your friend, it will hurt your family, it will hurt all of us, and the rest of your friends too. You are still capable of moving on and being happy. Nothing lasts for ever, and that includes the pain you're going through, too.
Are you seeing a counsellor as well? If you're on anti-depressants, then obviously you've accepted that it is a real problem for you and are able to accept that you might need help with this, but, talking this through with someone face to face, who /isn't/ a close family member or friend could help a lot too.
*hugs* She's not gone. I promise you, love, you'll find her again. She just can't bring herself to come out at the moment. Give her time, don't give up on her. You /will/ be happy again.

[MusicInTheWind]

Yes, I am seeing a counselor.

I think she is gone. She hasn't shown up or given any signs to show that she still is.

[o0_flying high_0o]

Then keep talking, love. Keep talking to your counsellor, keep talking to us, keep to your friends. PM me, anytime at all. It'd be a pleasure to talk to you. And while I don't know you as well as I should, it's certainly not because I don't think you're worth getting to know. Please, you wouldn't be bothering me at all, and I'd love to hear how you're going. Also, that goes for anyone. There are a lot of people on this site I don't know as well as I should, or haven't talked to in like a lifetime.

She's alive. She's still there. She just can't come out at the moment, maybe she's forgotten how to. Don't give up on her. Don't give up on yourself. Just, hold on. She'll find her way eventually.

[Megan (Fishy)]

*hugs*

Everything everyone else said is true.

You're wonderful, you deserve to have a wonderful life, and people do care about you. Even if nobody else does for some strange and highly improbable reason, you will still always have us. You can always talk to any of us, and we all think you're lovely and care about you. People do care about you, and you deserve to be cared about.

Please don't hurt yourself. Seek professional help, or, at the very least, talk to somebody here/IRL. So we're not professionals by any means, but we will always be here to listen to you.

Good luck. Take care. Don't hurt yourself. *hugs again*

[MusicInTheWind]

I always feel like you guys are too busy to talk to me. You guys don't have time for me. It's not like it matters either...