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Protect the flock! From JP and Hachette!

Hello, everybody. My name is Dual, AKA Fake Fang, AKA Crowley, AKA Mr. Kay, AKA Dr. And such.

 

Literature: A beautiful art form, unlike any other. Usually, it expresses an authors brilliant, geeky nature.

 

But sometimes...it goes bad.

 

In the past few years, crappy literature has been on a rise. The classics are dead, instead replaced with things like Twilight, Maximum Ride, Harry Potter. While these books may be fun to read to some, to others they're insults to literature, insults to an art form. It's like a five year old getting payed millions for his fingerpaint art. It's like a child playing, "Mary Had a Little Lamb," on his/her piano getting sent to Carnegie Hall. It's what happens when crappy authors, through the use of Mary Sue's, purple prose, and appeal to idiot teenagers, outsell literary masters who manage to write brilliant, witty, genius books (Yes, I used three words meaning the same thing) despite having alzheimers. It's a disgrace.

 

 

And it's bound to have a negative effect on the human psyche.

 

For one month, I'm going to be testing those negative effects. For one month, I'm going to do something no nerd has done before, something no nerd dares to do.

 

I'm going to Super Squee Me.

 

For one month, in the summer, I'm going to read one poorly written, fanservice driven, miserable pile of purple prose and Mary Sue's a day. For one month, I'm going to subject my mind to the worst conditions possible, do something incredibly painful and self destructive.

 

But it's ok. If I can save one squees intelligence-just one squee-it will all have been worth it. Even if I risk my own.


Throughout the course of this month I'm going to talk constantly with my psychologist, who will advise me in my mental cruci-fiction and tell me to pull out when the damage is irreversible. Hopefully, after the dreadful experience I'll be back to normal.

 

If I never return to the way I am right now, at this moment, well...I love you all. I just want you to know that. You've been great to me, and led me to accept my inert goodness. (I've recently joined the Good/Evil Alliance to help me deal with being good, and talked with my psychologist quite a bit. The 'rents don't know and, with any luck, never will.)

 

I'll be posting a daily journal. With any luck, I'll still be coherent.

 

Part of me doesn't want to do this. Well, actually, all of me doesn't want to do this. But I must. I must teach the masses the harm done by bad literature. Or else a good person will get hurt. I can't let that happen.

 

So...let's super squee me.

 

Books I have listed so far (Additions are loved. My sister's as much of a nerd as I am, so I don't know any bad books):

 

1.    Twilight

 

2.    The Angel Experiment

 

3.    Harry Potter Book One

 

4.    The Hunger Games

 

5.    Eragon

 

6.     New Moon

 

7.    Schools out-Forever

 

8.    The Chamber of Secrets

 

9.    Catching Fire

 

10.  Eldest

 

11.  Eclipse

 

12.  Prizoner of Azkaban

 

13.  Saving the World and Other Extreme sports

 

14.  Mockingjay

 

15.   Brisingr

 

16.  Breaking Dawn

 

17.  Fourth Maximum Ride

 

18.   Goblet of Fire

 

19.  ?

 

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>.> I quite liked the first book... it's not accurate anymore, but it was okay back when.

However. Is it bad? The later books sure as hell are. Ayla = Super Sue!
I liked the first two, but by the time I got to the third and fourth the flora/fauna descriptions (entire pages of) and rampant caveman fucking got tired...
Has nobody mentioned the House Of Night series yet? My God, they are terrible. Worse than Twilight. Reading the whole series in a week will probably make you comatose.

The main character is the prettiest most specialest most powerful vampyre ever, a lying bitch who sleeps with/makes out with pretty much every straight male character and then breaks their heart. Of course there is a love triangle in EVERY book. As soon as one guy drops out of the i-luv-zoey club (at which point he obviously becomes completely evil and doesn't deserve her anyway) there's a new character to replace him. Even the bad guy falls in love with her. All her friends are pretty and perfect bits of limp cardboard. One of them falls in love with a freaky-rapist-bird-man, which is the high point of the series... and yes, they are horribly addictive and I own the entire series. :P
If Harry Potter qualifies, Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare most definitely does.

Pretty much anything by Sarah Dessen? Pretty much all of her characters are sues, story lines are pretty predictable, writing is... not so great, but teenage girls eat up, because basically they all tell you that your prince charming is about to come along and make your life wonderful.

The Sookie Stackhouse books by Charlaine Harris, and there's quite a few of them too.

Artemis Fowl? The later books especially.

I'll probably come up with more later *has indulged in an infortunate amount of crappy literature* >.>
Seconding Mortal Instruments.

Also, if you run out of material somehow... Harlequin romances.
And while the later ones seemed a bit thinner in plot, I don't recall them being bad.
I don't think we're naming books that are bad, I loved the first three, and the fourth was alright, but they're not the most well written books. I'm going by the rule that if it's worse than Harry Potter, in regards to writing, plot architecture, and character development, then it qualifies. I think Artemis Fowl fits those criteria.
"I must teach the masses the harm done by bad literature."
also
"poorly written, fanservice driven, miserable pile of purple prose and Mary Sue's"
See OP
Artemis Fowl is not well written, though. I wouldn't be quite that harsh, but nor would I in regard to HP or... well, okay the others up there are pretty bad, but you see where I'm coming from?

It's just a suggestion anyway *shrugs*
I wouldn't say Artemis Fowl deserves to be in the list. Sure, the writing could do with a little improvement, but the characters are actually somewhat original and aren't complete -sues, and the story lines are usually twisty and interesting.
The Stackhouse books are trashy-but-readable (after the first one)...I'd say watch True Blood and skip the books, though.
What about Vladmir Todd? *lultvtropes*

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