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Protect the flock! From JP and Hachette!

Snarknotes: ANGEL A Maximum Ride Novel

Hello, everybody. This is a Fake Crowley production, and I'm actually quite proud of this chapter.

So...yeah. Worship me.

Stuff I own=Zip.

Stuff James Patterson Owns=OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!111oneeleventyone

ANGEL: Or, "Patty can't come up with original titles."

BOOK ONE: And when the sky is falling, don't look outside your window.

Soliloquy: That son of a bitch had better come save my ass.

Narrator: *calmly reading the paper* Max, Fang kinda doesn't know where you are. Unless you're expecting a douche ex machine, I think it'd be best if you just saved yourself.

Soliloquy: *ignores Narry and types on computer* Max's blog, Febuary 2007. Mood: Unfabulous. I can't remember eating. I can't remember sleeping. I can remember how that son of a bitch left me, so I'm feeling distinctly down in the dumps. I'm disoriented from all the tests, needles, and J-pop. I recall once again that if that son of a bitch had been there, I wouldn't be in this situation. FML.

Tylersvan wrote: Haha! Sucker!

Tothemax wrote: Shouldn't we…help her?

Tylersvan wrote: I would, but I have to play Black Ops. Also, I honestly don't care.

Tothemax wrote: …Isn't it 2007?

Tylersvan wrote: …Shut up.

FakeCrowley wrote: Hello, inferior maggots.

Max wrote: How the hell did you post here?

FakeCrowley wrote: Through the power of the internet. Besides, this is your dream sequence. Anything could happen.

Max wrote: …I'm still not convinced.

FakeCrowley wrote: Bitch, you know I can change your name to Nudgelover.

Max AKA Nudgelover wrote: ...Ok, ok, point taken. I'll stop complaining.

FakeCrowley wrote: Good girl.

Soliloquy: I think it'd be best if I saved myself.

Narrator: That's what I just said!

Soliloquy: Shut up.

Awesome scientist dude: No, you shut up.

Soliloquy: Shut your face up!

ASD: Shut your mom up!

Narrator: Oh dear. This won't end well.


ASD: Oh no you fucking didn't.

Narrator: Guys, guys!

Max and ASD both: What?

Narrator: Max's cage is undone:

Max: …Oh.

ASD: …Oh, shit.

Max: Let the ass kicking commence! DJ?

Narrator: Yep?

Max: …You're my DJ.

Narrator: Look, we have a small budget, all right?

Max: …Whatever. Just put my theme music on.

DJ speakers: Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down...

Max: …I hate you. So much.

Narrator: Suhmile.

Max: Whatever.

*insert badass action sequence here*

Max: *wipes hands* Well, that was interesting. Where did the polka powered zombie dinosaur come from?

Sue:RAAAAAAWWWWWRRRRR! *bites whitecoat*

Narrator: Stole it.

Max: You…I beg your pardon. What was that?

Narrator: I said I stole it. *still reading newspaper*

Max: …

Fang: Emo.



Max: …You're still alive?

ASD: I wore my polka powered zombie dinosaur hat today.

Max: They cell those?

ASD: A penny a dozen in Chicago.

Sue: RAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRR! *tries to bite ASD, but fails due to force field*

Max: Surprisingly effective.

ASD: I know, right?

Max: Well, goodbye.

ASD: Ciao.

Max, as she flies away: …Well, he was nice.

Narrator: Yeah.

ASD: …Sucker.

Max: *hits window and falls to the ground*

Narrator: *fake shock* Oh my! It sounds like a bird hit our window!

Fang: Oh dear. It's too bad we chose to clean our windows today.

Max: It isn't funny!

Narrator: Yes it is, actually.

Fang: Max! Go to Dagobah!

Max: …I liked you better when you were emo.

Fang: Still am, Baby. I still am.

Nudge: Hey Max, I met up with Nudge II and it turns out that she talks just as much as I do, and shares all the same interests!

Max: Nooooooooooooo!

Gazzy: Hey, Max. I hope you don't mind, but I had a bean burrito for lunch today.

Max: Nooooooooooooo!

Iggy: Hey Max! I got my eyesight back! I can see again! Meaning that I get to be a main character now!

Max: Nooooooooooooo!

Angel: Hey, Max, guess what! I've got a new power!

Max: Nooooooooooooo!

Fang: I'm probably going to be killed off.

Max: Nooooooooooooo!

Dylan: I've become snarky!

Max: Nooooooooooooo!

Narrator: I've decided to parody the rest of FANG.

Max: Nooooooooooooo!

Narrator: Don't you think this joke is getting a bit long?

FakeCrowley: Nooooooooooooo!

Max: Gah! *wakes up* Oh…it was all…a dream…


Max: Nooooooooooooo!

Narrator: Why are you screaming, "no?"

Max: Force of habit.


Guten tag, peoples!

Spoiler Alert: Jeb dumps ter Borcht!

Views: 3

Comment by nathan_p on November 18, 2010 at 1:06pm
The last two lines slay me :B
Comment by Dual on November 18, 2010 at 1:10pm
The Jeb dumps ter Borcht part?
Comment by EndOfTheEarth on November 18, 2010 at 1:18pm
"I wore my polka powered zombie dinosaur hat today."
Damn, I want one of those.
Comment by nathan_p on November 18, 2010 at 1:22pm
Yes, I am predictable.

...well, more specifically, the cheerfulness of "Guten tag, peoples!" makes me laugh.
Comment by Dual on November 18, 2010 at 1:23pm

And who doesn't, End of?
Comment by Ovie! Ovie! Ovie! Oy! Oy! Oy! on November 18, 2010 at 1:24pm
I must admit, I'm jealous at how easily this stuff comes to you.
Comment by Contradiction on November 18, 2010 at 1:43pm
I wore my polka powered zombie dinosaur hat today.

FTW, man.


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