Secret Confessions

[Doomy]

[Edited Because I Fracking Can]

Welcome to the Secret Confessions thread. Beyond the pure anonymity of the internet, there lies a certain level of understanding behind all the accounts here on FF. The SC account carries burden of allowing the user to give a candid, private confession with (hopefully) understanding feedback. The SC thread is for other posters to give kind and/or helpful advice, words of empathy, or a secret of their own (under the SC name or not).

This account is a group account, and EVERYONE needs to treat it respectfully. By posting under the Secret Confessor, you are pledging to refrain from hate mail, "finger-pointing", insulting and being a jerkface. By posting in the SC thread, you are pledging to keep the comments respectful. This has not yet been a problem, but it's nice to have written down "just in case".

If you would like to use the SC account for ANY reason beside posting in this thread, please PM me- even if it's under the SC name (this is not to exert authority, but to maintain order over a very accessible account).

Thank you!


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Password: secret

[Secret Confessor]

I don't know if I can find the words to tell you all. I know most, if not all, of you will be fine with it. But I just don't know how to say it. 

 

In regards to the girl, she's not out either. With maybe six people, myself being one of them. She's also not the type to talk about emotions, hers or others. In the four, nearing five, years I've known her, she's only discussed her personal life with me twice. I wouldn't even know how to ask her how she feels either...

 

As for the guy, he's not a boyfriend. He's a good friend. One of my closest friends. He's also had a crush on me since our freshman year. I pretend not to notice, but it's hard not to. I need to just...stop. Stop talking to him, stop being friends with him, stop everything. I think if we were dating, breaking things off would be so much easier.

 

Thanks though, for taking the time to respond.

[EndOfTheEarth]

1) Try putting it bluntly?

 

2) Try putting it bluntly?

 

3) Try putting it bluntly?

 

Many of the world's complexities are the product of people not being direct about their wants and needs. Putting things as they are may seem counter-intuitive, but it guarantees that your idea will get across.

[DZMom]

I like that you are willing to share you thoughts with people, even as Secret Confessor.

I like that you know you are bi-sexual. And I like that you pay attention to your thoughts about it.

I like that you know which people you feel safe to open up to. I like that you're perceptive about it instead of just opening up and later wondering why everyone is shies away from you later. You see, I open up to people and get burned for it sometimes, even though I know it would be better to only share with people who respect me.

I like that you are tenacious in keeping a promise. Maybe the promise isn't good for you, but the will power behind it is awesome. Send some of that my way, will you?

I like that you shared with us now. I don't come around much, either. And I simply stalked EOTE's  reply to find this. I wish it was easier to connect. On the other hand, I'm now in my 40s so maybe it's better just the way it is on this kind of forum, at least in my case.

 

I don't like that your male friends label you a "tease." They could take responsibility for their own feelings instead of blaming and shaming you with a label. Since you can post a coherent list of concerns, you are not a product that should be labeled.

I don't like seeing someone who is so down. It reminds me of how awful it is when I feel that way. It's not the reminder that bugs me. It's the pain, sadness and wish that I could escape that is so awful to be in. Life would be much more enjoyable without feeling so down on ourselves.

I don't like feeling bad/sad/mad regarding your homophobic friends. When I found out my gay friend was gay in 1986 or 1987, I stopped saying my homophobic opinions and accepted his sexuality. In my case, I had never put a friendship or a human face to the concept of homosexuality. I won't try to convince you that your homophobic friends will react the same way if you tell them. As a matter of fact, my friend had kept it a secret from me and another girl spilled the beans.

 

Your post was not spam, my friend. Long messages are not the same as advertising.

[Secret Confessor]

It's not just a label they've given me. It's true, even if I don't like it.

 

I understand, at least, how you feel about not liking seeing anyone so down. I'm a people-pleaser, because I don't like to see people be sad.

 

I think of the three, one could accept me. The other two... I think the other two are the type to end our friendship over this.

 

Thank you, as well, for taking the time to respond.

[Brandybuck]

Hi erryone,

It's been a while since I've posted here, and I'm slightly ashamed to say it seems like I only ever really come when real life isn't treating me exceptionally but...

Today's National Coming Out Day.

I've been comfortable with my own bisexuality for a long-ass time, but as I type this I realize that you guys will be the first people I've told, ever.  I'm not really ashamed or anything, but I know these things have a way of spreading, no matter who you tell in secrecy.  I'm fortunate to live in an urban area, and go to a school that's unbelievably welcome to the LGBT community, but hell, my friends and I are brutish teenage males, and even though most of them would be cool with it, intentionally or not, I'd probably eventually be ostracized.  In addition, one of my best friends is, at present, also my girlfriend, and though she has a few gay friends I'm sure that her finding out, especially not from me, would leave things irreparably awkward.  And so, here I am, on a small forum initially created to serve a fandom over an adolescent fiction series, "coming out" to a group of people I've never actually met.  And yet I know you guys, some better than others, and I love all of you, just for being here.  Just for being the people I could finally tell.  I know that some of you are openly gay or transgender, and I respect you guys tremendously.  My family's Catholic - strictly, not socially - and while I have confidence that they'd accept me I don't plan on telling them until at least college.  I thought for a while, that if I really wanted to, I'd never have to tell anyone but... fuck it, I'm tired of pretending to be something else.  Right now I'm still a teenager, failing frontal lobe and drowning in hormones, and I know that now's not the time to do anything I'd regret.  But I love you guys for being the people I can come out to until I finally have the balls to do so in real life.

That is all.

[Secret Confessor]

I fucking love you right now. Because you have the guts to do what I don't.

 

I totally understand where you're coming from, too. My plan as of right now is not to tell my family until I've moved out on my own, and even then, it will probably only come up if I find myself getting serious with a girl.

 

Still, even if you don't "have the balls" to do it irl, doing it here was amazing.

 

EDIT: By the way, I was having a really shitty day, and your post totally improved it. So thanks for that.

[Secret Confessor]

You may all be struggling to come out, but you know that you're bisexual, or gay, or transgendered. Or straight. Everyone seems so aware of what they want and where they fit. 

I still haven't got a clue. I've been wondering for three or so years now. I could be gay, or bi, or straight, or any of those other terms that seem to describe the extent to which you fall into each category. Or I could be asexual. That makes the most sense a lot of the time, except, well, my body is totally fine with the whole physical side of things. It's just an attraction to anyone that seems to be lacking.

I'm old enough to have figured this one out, surely. I'm ready for a new sort of confusion already. 

[EndOfTheEarth]

Not worth worrying about. My younger brother didn't find himself attracted to anyone until he was almost 18, and simply wasn't thinking about it before that. I've heard that this phase can go on in some people past age 29.

 

So, no rush, no need to angst over it. Besides, there's no way to force it or really determine it until it happens.

[Fake]

:/ Don't worry about it. It took me seventeen years to find out my preference.

 

Mind you, after figuring it out, I wanted to kill myself out of self hatred and shame, as would any other normal person with my history, but oh well.

[Secret Confessor]

I miss being in a relationship.

I miss having someone to spend my time towards.

I miss feeling needed.

 

Being in someone's arms gives me a feeling of great safety.

I don't feel safe right now.  I feel lost.  And scared.

[Lamp Post]

*offers tea*

*understands* *does too*

[Secret Confessor]

I hate being in love with you.

I hate that you live so far away.

I hate feeling like we already had our chance.

I hate that no matter how hard I try, I can't hate you.

I hate that I talk to you every day.

I hate that I listen to you talk about how much you like him.

I hate that I can't help you.

I hate that you're hurting.

I hate that sometimes when I listen to that song I cry, even though it has no relevance.

I hate the way you cheer me up immediately.

I hate feeling like I'm missing other chances because I'm so caught up in you.

I hate that we're so young.

I hate feeling like you're leading me on when I know that you're not.

I hate one person having this much control over me.

I hate that when I think about kissing you I want it more than anything.

I hate being scared of getting over you.

I hate that I can't get over you.

I hate feeling powerless.

I hate that I flirt with boys to distract myself.

I hate that I have almost no interest in boys.

I hate how I can't see you or touch you.

I hate how I can't give you a hug or hold your hand.