What are you doing right now?

[EndOfTheEarth]

Besides posting on here and replying to this thread. Original credit for this goes back to Fate and Nathan on MX.

[Brandybuck]

Haven't seen Black Swan, but I've heard great things.

 

Exactly, couldn't have said it better. I enjoyed it though, the same way I enjoyed the first two MR's.  Sometimes I love simple/cliched plots.

[Devil's Sunrise]

Huh.

[EndOfTheEarth]

Here's how.

[Xuut]

Or they could simply hit the ground and miss. 

[Contradiction]

I'm pretty sure the responses to that were more "of course i'm like the Max Ride kids :D flying is cool and i'm speshul".

[Devil's Sunrise]

Hahaha no.

[Fake]

Chapter two submitted!

 

:D

[Fake]

Er, sorry. I mean of my story I, Protagonist.

 

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2879385/1/I_Protagonist

[EndOfTheEarth]

More interesting this time around, now that you've added dialogue. Wish this had started faster.

[Fake]

What are your thoughts on Cane and Sadako?

[EndOfTheEarth]

Sadako hasn't been expanded on enough to do anything with. You could go places with her, but you don't have the platform yet. The really warped thing would be to have her be a shell of all the female characters ever written--see how Cane reacts to a girl who's been raped eighty times.

 

Cane's tonality bores me, because you broke the most important rule when it comes to opening a novel: ACTION FIRST, EXPOSITION SECOND. By the time you opened the second chapter, Cane's tone, the narrators tone, was set as a describer of dull situations, and really turned me off. Further, he's become the monster that you're trying to make fun of; an emotionally dead character. Cane should not be impassive. Rather, he should be sarcastically pissed--this gives us a more active narrator and a more interesting story. See (and I shudder to say this) Max from the earlier MR novels as an example.

[Fake]

Hmm.

 

I see.

 

The next chapter starts out with a fight scene, which will really be an experiment to the exposition-and-soliloquy prone me. And the actual plot picks up soon.

 

The problem with making him sarcastically pissed is, unfortunately, that it's what you'd expect of a protagonist. Snarky and angry at everything. Cane is angry, but mostly he's...tired. He wants to die. And he's not meant to make fun of the emotionally dead characters-rather, he's meant to show the type of character you're describing in ten years. Yes, he will be sarcastic at some points, and even show his humorous side, but he's emotionally dead, not because he was originally written that way, but because being a protagonist made him that way.